This I don’t really know how to start, finish or even write.
Ever since Richard left me for Sarah, although they both say I left because I was the one to move out, I have tried to figure out what I looked for in a partner. Male, or female? White, Black, Orange? Age range? All of this was vastly confusing to me. I am realizing that I want to find someone who makes me laugh at myself. That I am able to have an open conversation with, without feeling like I am worthless. That I can spout off my insane ideas with, and not have them mock me.
That happens so often.
From there, I want someone who will watch stupid shows with me, not make me feel stupid when I don’t get something. Won’t mock me when I am not as smart as they are. I want someone who when I am sick understands that lemons, with salt usually make me feel better.
I want the package. I don’t so much care I’ve decided race, sex, or anything. I want someone who understands I may just dye my hair bright red, for the hell of it. I want someone who might dye THEIR hair bright red, just for the hell of it. who spontaneously says “fuck it we are going to learn to make sushi tonight” . I want them to make as much or more than I do. Not because I want to be supported, but because I don’t want to end up arguing over finances because I bought a pair of pants, or something along those lines.
I wouldn’t mind someone who has hobbies, fuck I want them to have hobbies out side me. I would like to be able to enjoy their hobbies as well though. I want to share with them my own hobbies, I want that.
I am beginning to think I am selfish though, or too insecure to be able to find this. What do you think? What is the best way to find this?