38 Comments

A Visit To The Vampires.


Okay, so along with the weight loss crap that has gone on, I have been putting off actively trying to get to Labcorb to get 4 measly vials of blood drawn. It is not like they are trying to excavate for oil right? except they are. The evil sods that go to work as blood drawing type people must have read de Sade and thought “OOOOO sticky blood fun”.

So, here’s how it went down today. My mom wakes up and is all “I think we should go get our blood drawn today”. The fuck? where the HELL did that come from I ask you? Oh right, that Wednesday I have another appointment with the Dr who is wanting to go over these blood tests. Oh fucking god help me.

I know a great many (alright the 4 of you who read this) are going “what is so bad about this?” Well I am about to tell you. My veins see a needle and go all “holy shit it is a clown back the fuck off”. And hide. Like Steven Kings IT is RIGHT there in the damned drain about to eat their ankles. (note, I have not watched this movie, I just know it’s about a clown that was enough for me to leave it the hell alone). So I like a dumbass didn’t drink -anything- no water, no random other non anythings. No black coffee nothing to hydrate myself. I get there, and she’s all “Only 4 little tubes to fill”.

Alrighty then. Now I am not afraid of blood, Vampires are -totally cool- by me. However. The needle going into my body, total another story. So here’s how it went down.
I sat in this contraption that looked like some sort of jacked up school desk for people who write both left, and right-handed. She grabs a needle that closely resembles a garden hose, and says “Make a fist”. Easy, as I already want to punch concrete. Not too long down the road she sticks the needle in, which didn’t hurt. NO really it didn’t. However when she started turning it in 360 fucking degrees it did. What-the-fuck- was that all about huh? HUH?

Right “You don’t have a vein here” Well…alrighty then. Next arm.

“I can feel the vein do you?” No….No I do not. I feel skin, what the hell is a vein supposed to feel like???

“Oh Drat, it collapsed”

of course it did

“Oh there is one in your for arm. Let’s try that shall we”. -sure why the hell not-

Right, so I tried it. I watched her insert this gigantic needle in my forearm and got her to get one whole vial filled. The vein collapsed.

No shit. It collapsed.

So….we do the same thing in two spots on my left hand….one, got one whole vial, the other got two. I now look like I have driven nails up my arm.

How is this huh? Well because some sadistic cow at Labcorp (She is a very nice woman), used my arm as some sort of odd experiment in how many times she can stick needles into arms without killing one person.

Moral to this story? Don’t ever let me get blood taken again mkay? Also please do not let me go do with out drinking a gallon of water.

Also.

what the hell?

Also I am linking this up with Yeah Write

READ Peoples blogs y’all there are some amazing writers out there. I am not one of them. But read anyway

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38 comments on “A Visit To The Vampires.

  1. I hate it when the veins collapse! I had to have regular IVs during my pregnancies because I threw up so much. They could never find veins because I was too dehydrated. OUCH!

  2. Oh, me. This. All the time. Worst ever! My mum is a paramedic and I remember one occasion when I was a teenager, trying to get an IV inserted, she ended up doing it herself after six nurses and doctors had failed. I’m glad it’s over for you 🙂

  3. Oh yikes! That sounds awful! I guess I have good veins – I had to get a lot of blood drawn when I had pregnancy complications and it was always easy as pie.

  4. Glad you got through that, eventually. When I was a kid my mother had to hold me down to receive a shot as I was terrified of needles. I’ve gotten over it to a point. I never look at the needle going in. I’m sure I’d faint. I learned something from you – I didn’t know about the dehydration point. I’ll remember that, thanks.

  5. Uggh. Two collapsed veins. Just ughh. And you are on the great writers. Silly. Erin

  6. Nothing worse than blood draws. Collapsed veins are the worst part…

  7. I HATE getting blood drawn. The site of needles and I do not get along. Ugh. When I was in high school I got a bad case of mono and had to have blood drawn regularly. It sucked, to say the least. Especially the one time they drew 13 vials! I was pretty sure I had nothing left in the tank after that.

  8. AHHH getting blood taken grosses me out so much, I could barely read this. Shudder.

  9. I used to give blood, now I have the high blood pressure which lends itself to giving blood right? Wrong. Apparently it is a bad thing that they medicate you for and the medicine makes your blood icky to other people… Who knew! Guess I’m never getting another gallon pin.

    My kids hate needles, again who guessed that?

    WG

  10. Ugh, I hate having blood drawn!!

  11. Ew…this gave me the willies just reading it. A friend I work with had a similar experience with having blood drawn not that long ago. Sometimes it really amazes me how much trouble they seem to have.

    Hope your arms are recovering!

  12. Oh my goodness. This made me cringe just at the thought. Poor you!

  13. When I was pregnant with my son I ended up having to get IV’s several times for hyperemesis and dehydration. It was a nightmare. I’m not someone who cares about blood and needle sticks don’t bother me…until they’ve tried 37 times with no luck. Then I start to get a little testy. Haha!

  14. Ouch! My poor mom went through hell each time she was in the hospital and blood was drawn. Afterwards, her hand got all black and blue.

    Thankfully, my seven-year-old monkey-boy son can handle a needle.

    Phew!

  15. Your last line made me laugh, sorry. (Also, don’t say that – just keep writing!!)

    Seriously though, getting blood drawn is the worst unless you have a truly great phlebotomist (sp?) and I find those to be rare. Hope it goes better for you next time!

  16. I used to be terrified of needles until I was treated for my severe anxiety. Ever since then, it’s gotten much better. I ‘m not going around and poking myself, but I handle shots, IV’s, and bloodwork much better than I used to.

    That said, last January, when I went in to have surgery on my elbow, it took two nurses to start my IV because the veins in my hand kept playing hide & seek. My hand looked like a bad side of beef after they were done.

  17. Ouch.
    PS: I don’t like clowns, either.

  18. Oh god, how awful! Fun story, though! I have get blood draws every few months, but luckily my veins like cooperate. (good job veins!) But, My dr. takes like eight vials, and makes me fast for it, so I have to work really hard to not pass out. Fun times.

  19. OH NO I have to have blood drawn in the morning. LOL

  20. This post made my palms sweat a bit. I’m not a fan of labs. I don;t mind the blood drawing so much as I get freaked out just being int he lab itself. They really make my skin crawl.

  21. I went through a phase where I would just start to pass out when someone took my blood. I’ve never actually had a fear of it or been repulsed or anything but for about 5 years (it has stopped now) I would just see stars and pass out any time someone took my blood. Freakish.

    • They really do scare the hell out of me now.

      And now…my Dr tells me I’ll have blood tests every 4-6 weeks for a while

      -awesome-

  22. You are hilariously funny. And bloody well belong in this grid! 🙂

  23. Uh, While I don’t mind giving blood for me, it’s been a holy terror for my kids. Reading about your hydration woes, brought me back a few months ago when I had my nearly 2 yo @Quest for blood work. They had to double team here, while they pricked & prodded and ultimately told us to come back an hour later after she drank more.
    The kid’s still scarred!

  24. Dude, needles are scary. We make our blood for us to use. Because we need it. We don’t make more because someone wants to examine it that day. Not cool, phlebotomists, not cool.

    I recently wrote a post about fainting at my bloodletting at the lab a couple weeks ago. Embarrassing and horrifying at the same exact time.

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