So. I heard this quote today, that said “The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence, they have just remembered to water the grass.” I cannot begin to explain how that made me sit back and go “Holy Shit Snacks”. Cause it’s the truth.
I sit here and think, “When I lose weight, I will do X with my hair, or blah blah”. But. Here’s the thing, and this is a major…Thing. I might not. I might not lose weight, I might be fat forever. So I am going to water my grass, and learn how to be enjoyable with myself. I am unique and exciting, and a good person to be around. I am the kind of person that dyes her hair tips purple, or pink. I am the sort of person that gets her chin waxed and eyebrows waxed so she feels good about herself. I am that person.
I will be getting that tattooed somewhere on my body. Somewhere I can see it often. I want to be that person who isn’t afraid to ride rollercoasters, and feels the adrenaline rush. Okay even if that person cannot spell. Yes. Oh yes, I self harm. I will also probably get a silver ribbon, tattooed somewhere on me as well. This is a roar that needs to be heard. This is my . This is my I will not stand quietly any more but I will do what makes me whole. What makes me..me. I will go to the dr. I will visit this and make myself whole in what ever way shape or form that is. I will get on anti depressant, and anti anxiety drugs. I will get my teeth pulled so my mouth doesn’t feel like giant jack hammers going off in my mouth constantly.
I will be the geek that I know I am. I am already going back to school I start in the summer. I will make fun things and make my environment rock. I will paint, I will not be shy as much or as often. I will keep up with the exercises in fact in the AM I am getting up at 5. So I can do 50 jumping jacks, push ups, Russian twists, bird dogs, squats and all of that. I will get myself in better shape.
I need you to keep me honest though. I will post pictures of my progress (Phone being purchased friday so I can post updates often). This will happen. This will be me.
T. M. This is for you