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The fact is that people are good, if only their fundamental wishes are satisfied, their wish for affection and security. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.”

‘For a long time i have been a very insecure person, not secure that i am wanted, needed, loved, even liked. And i’m starting to realize that a lot of that probably is in my head. This past week i’ve gone through a bit “feeling sorry” for myself phaze, and i don’t like it at all.

A lot of that has to do with i’ve had no time at all with J. And that upsets me, because I am finding myself no mater what i do with D…no matter how i feel with D…and as scary as it is to be putting down on paper.
I feel…real feelings for J…

i doubt anything will ever come from it, though it would be nice to somewhat see him
And in reality I should give up everything on SOI and just move to RT only. But…I crave the interactions, I crave, with every fiber of my being to be in th ere, and to be with them, and to feel them and smell them and taste.

I know it’s not real, and i’m sure it’s just words on a screen. And i’m sure to Them that’s about all i am.

But…to me it is a lot more, and hense the insecurity.

Affection, dear god i crave it, the small things, like a touch to my cheek, or a small pinch to my chin.
I wonder…what is going on?

ah …I don’t know what else to say.


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