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so there we go

I went to albuquerque today, and purchased a shed load of fabric
frivolous i know, but it was purchased anyway.

Here’s kind of a scary thought, I bought some of it, wondering what J would think of me in the outfits I was going to make.
How scary is that?
that’s pretty good actually I like that thought, it’s sort of a nummy yummy thought
the kind of thought that has me in my belly go all squishy and wriggly.
I am over the moon over that thought, maybe…maybe it’s a silly one but it’s my thoughts.
So much that I want to feel that fabric draped over my naked skin
and to feel it’s touch against me
I want to sew it..and wear it, and feel delicious wearing it.
I am excited over this idea
very excited.

I haven’t felt so excited in a very long time.
It’s a nice feeling.

Beyond that, I’ve made some further “revelations” into my life.

I want, some things, some very concrete “wants”

I want a healthy lifestyle
I want fresh food, and amazing food.
I want to live in an area where I can bike to work,
where i can live, and grow like that, rather than live stagnately
which is where i am, there is no room for real growth here.

I need to start over, some how.
Even if it is here, I need to stop.

Right here, I stop being trailer trash, Yes I live in a trailer, but i am *NOT* trash
I am a white woman, who is proud of who she is.


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